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  • mandimartin7

Good Intentions vs Reality



Obviously, I am not speaking for everyone in this, although I am sure many can relate...


I wanted to explain some of the, seemingly, daft ways that my good intentions often fizzle out before I have reached the end of my plan.


One of the more notable behaviours that I have repeated countless times, relates to my love of books. I’ll see an advert, or hear from others about a great book, and the ADHD urge to go shopping kicks in. I excitedly search for the book in question, comparing prices but always going with whichever seller can get it to me the quickest, then minutes later I start the agonising wait for the book to arrive.


There is always a sound reason for getting the book, whether for pleasure or because I can kid myself it will enrich my work. That said, this does not mean I will read it as soon as it arrives. It will no doubt be placed lovingly on one of my three “to read” piles, where I will love looking at it, and will enjoy the anticipation of actually reading it.


Then another annoying process kicks in.


Finding the time to actually read them! If I am having a busy day, I am justified in not finding reading time. Whilst I do read EVERY night before going to sleep, that time is for comfort reading and not to get my head thinking about other new stuff. If I have long enough breaks in my work day, I then worry that the next session will start before I get to the end of a chapter or that I’ll lose track of time, so waiting mode kicks in, and nothing gets done when this happens.


Another tripping hazard is that once the piles get a bit bigger, I then have to try and decide which would be most important or interesting to read. My inability to prioritise leaves me not knowing where to start, which leads to not starting. Every now and then I move my reading piles to a more prominent position, because if I can’t see them, they cease to exist – until I accidentally notice them, and move them again. Object permanence is a bit of a menace to those of us with a spicy brain.


Now I can see how all of this could sound ridiculous to anyone lucky enough to not have a spicy brain, and I can see how others might think that there are simple solutions and I should just get over it. Well, if I could I would!

Neurotypical brains see one process in buying and then reading a book. Neurodivergent brains break things down into many levels of processes, so they become bigger than they need to be, and we get tripped up by seemingly inconsequential elements.


Ironically, on the flip side, I might get a book and then be so completely absorbed in it that all else gets ignored. I suddenly realise I have been sitting reading for 3 hours without stopping for a drink, or forgetting that I was supposed to be doing something else, and the book became my sole focus. This definitely happened each time a new Harry Potter book came out, and I read each of the last three books in one day – Those of you who have read them know how big they are.


So when I get excited about a book, and rush to order it, I have full intention of reading it as soon as it arrives. To fully dive into it and enjoy every page. I look forward to sharing it with others and telling them how great it is. But, the reality is that sadly this often does not happen.

This is quite a “normal” and regular example of similar processes I go through, and get caught up in time after time. To those of you who know exactly what I am talking about, enjoy all the dopamine hits I know you are getting, and don’t beat yourself up too much because you did it again.


To those of you who don’t get it, and can manage the easy solutions to all of this, please try to hear that we are doing our best, and we can’t do it the way you do. We might be different, and some of our difficulties might seem daft when said out loud, and I encourage you to accept our differences. I would love to hear about some of the things you get stuck on, areas where you excel due to your differences, and strategies you might use that work for you. Most

of all I would love to hear how you celebrate your otherness and what your favourite part of being you is...



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Hello. My name is Julie and I provide a non-judgemental safe space for you.


I specialise in online therapy sessions and offer a few, select, face-to-face appointments. My therapy room is based in Alton, Hampshire. I'm based just 15 minutes from Basingstoke and Farnham and at the end of a direct train line from London Waterloo.


Please get in touch if you'd like to learn more or arrange an initial consultation. As always, I'm happy to answer any questions you may have.


It's good to talk. Talk helps.


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