I have spoken before about the importance of finding the right therapist for you, so why should you actively look for a neurodivergent therapist?
If you are neurodivergent, by which I mean Autism, ADHD and so on, you already know that it can sometimes feel like you are talking a different language to the majority of people. You will already have experienced the difficulty of describing some of the weird and wonderful things we do, think, and say which differ from others. You will also know how hard it can be to explain something that the other person has not ever had to deal with, and how frustrating and disappointing it is to be misunderstood and not know how to ask for your needs to be met.
For example, how do you explain to a neurotypical person, or therapist, that you “wasted” a whole day sitting on your sofa waiting for the boiler engineer to come to service your boiler and you didn’t know what time they were going to arrive?
How do you explain that you suddenly burst into tears because your laces weren’t tied tight
enough? Or that yesterday you were super productive, and got more done than you needed, yet today you don’t even have the capacity to get dressed or brush your hair?
These are just a small selection of examples that us neurodivergent people struggle with
on a daily basis, which on paper can sound ridiculous, that we can’t just NOT do.
If only it were that simple, right?!
Imagine you are talking to your therapist about your struggles, you are sharing examples of how hard you find everyday things, and are trying to explain why you feel so low a lot of the time or just out of sync with the world around you... Your neurotypical therapist is going to draw on their training and life experiences, they are going to offer solutions that possibly work for them and their tribe, but these might not work for you which can lead to you feeling frustrated as all those lovely tools and strategies don’t work for you. They will try to understand your struggles, but they are not going to FULLY understand what you are describing.
After a while, you may start to close down, feel less able or willing to share your difficulties, and you could walk away feeling like you have failed. Or worse, might stay in therapy and not get what you need and deserve and you could feel like you are the one getting it wrong.
This does not mean that your therapy with a neurotypical therapist will never work, it just means it might be harder and you’ll need to be prepared to work more to be understood. A neurodivergent therapist is going to share aspects of what you struggle with, will have their own experiences that can relate to yours, and the therapy can feel easier and more rewarding because you can get into the 'nitty gritty' quicker, without having to find all the words needed to explain some of your everyday difficulties. It could be compared to you speaking to someone whose first language is not the same as yours, and you having to explain some of the shorthand and nuances which come naturally to you.
Not all therapists are “out” as neurodivergent, although many of us do advertise our otherness to help you find someone who is more likely to understand you.
Top tip
Don’t be afraid to ask if your chosen therapist has lived experience of being neurodivergent, and also check how they work to ensure it aligns with what you need. Your therapist is there to support YOU, so choosing the right one, as always, is really important.
I wish I had known all those years ago that I was Autistic with ADHD, as I might have known to ask for a neurodivergent therapist. The work I did with mine was good, it helped, but it could have been so much better with this crucial bit of missing information.
Are you neurodivergent? Would you prefer to work with a therapist who is neurosparkly, too?
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Hi, my name is Julie Jenner and my neurodivergent clients think of me as their unicorn. Finding someone they relate to and feel comfortable with had been a struggle... Until one day, like a magical unicorn, I appeared before them. 🦄
Why not book a free consultation with me, to see if you can get some of that magic too?
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