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  • Julie Jenner

“How are you?” asked the therapist.

How honest are you when you are asked this question? Or do you offer the standard, societal expectation of "fine"?

As a therapist, when I ask how are you, I am interested in knowing how you are. You don’t need to provide me with a "safe" answer, because I am here to support you when your truth is far from fine.

We all know what it feels like to be stressed, overwhelmed, and to be dealing with more than we can realistically handle. Many of you will hide what you are truly feeling, for many reasons. This could be to protect someone else and not be a bother, or it can be to hide the vulnerable feeling you have at that moment, or it could even be that you don’t fully know how to answer that.

When you hide, and therefore, carry, what you are feeling, you are making your burden heavier than it needs to be. More importantly, you deny yourself the opportunity to get help and support. Sometimes this support can be in a practical sense, and sometimes it can be someone who just sits with you and listens. Never underestimate the power of letting someone in, and never assume you are going to be a bother or a burden. Your important people certainly won’t see you that way, and would probably be grateful for the chance to be there for you.

So, what are some things you can do for yourself that could lead to you being able to honestly say you are fine more often?

Here are a few tips and questions for you to consider:

  • Does it have to be you who does all the things on your to-do list? Now, someone else might not do it quite like you do, but I am sure it will still be good enough.

  • Asking for help can benefit you in many ways, including not feeling so alone, someone might be able to help with unexpected things, and another perspective can help you find a different way.

  • Have that frozen pizza or microwave meal if it will make your busy day a bit easier. You don’t always have to do everything perfectly, and sometimes you need soul food rather than a healthy choice.

  • Break your to-do list down into bitesize pieces, cross off any that don’t really need doing, and be realistic about how much time and energy they will take. There is no point adding 12 hours’ worth of jobs into one day as all you will create is a sense of unnecessary failure. Be kinder to yourself than that.

  • Book yourself a pyjama day. Sometimes you need to have some time to do nothing but rest. Put your favourite film or show on the TV, have your favourite food planned, and indulge in anything that makes you calm and happy.

  • Say no to that social event you’ve been dreading. You don’t need to say yes to everything, especially when saying yes means pushing yourself passed your limits. If they are important, they will understand.

  • Find the easiest way to do something. You don’t always have to take the harder way just because you think that will be better. Always look for the easiest, most straightforward way to do a thing. Embrace the KISS method – Keep It Simple. (And yes I know there is a spare S, but I didn’t want to add the stupid bit!)

  • Do you really want or need to do those things? If not, it doesn’t need to be on your to-do list.

These are just a few for you to think about. I would love to hear your thoughts about how to get closer to actually being fine, and what strategies you have, or want, in place to make life easier.

As always, please do get in touch if you think I might be able to help you with this, or anything else you struggle with.


Hello there! My name is Julie, and I'm an online counsellor dedicated to providing support and guidance to those in need.

With a passion for helping people work through their concerns, I strive to create a safe and non-judgmental space where you can freely express yourself.

I believe that Talk Helps, and am committed to walking alongside you on your journey towards healing and personal growth.

Whether you're working through life's challenges, seeking clarity in relationships, or simply looking for a listening ear, I am here to help you every step of the way.

Book a consultation with me today, and let's start your healing journey together.


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